21.01.2019 - 14:59 Uhr

I have been asked by Eugen to write an English introduction to his German bestseller Der Weg der weißen Kugel
I suspect that I have been chosen for this honour mainly because I dont speak a word of German.
Anyway, I was delighted to be given the opportunity to pay Eugen back for the many hilarious rounds of golf we have enjoyed over the years.
You have to understand that Eugen is one of those rare birds A FUNNY GERMAN. Now you could look up the lexus/nexus database and ask for all instances in the last three years where the words Funny and German appear within three words of one another, and a one- armed man could count the number of instances on both hands.
Although I have never read any of his latest work, I have witnessed all twenty-seven of my German acquaintances convulsed with helpless laughter within seconds after opening the book.
All of them had to be rushed to hospital for emergency sedation. Most of them had to have their humour glands removed and several of them required brain surgery. One of them never fully recovered. You can still see the poor man wandering around the local golf course, with a stupid fixed grin on his face, in rags and totally unwashed. This was just the tip of the iceberg - all over Germany, there were thousands of reported cases of uncontrollable, hysterical laughter.
Due to the startling effect of this book, the German Government has now banned it from public sale . There are only two copies left in circulation. One copy is the buried in the maximum security bunker at the University of Krautlenburg, and is being studied by two specially-trained professors, wearing protective clothing and helmets. The other copy is now used as the ultimate punishment for violent criminals and tax dodgers. The maximum sentence any judge can impose is FIVE PAGES. It used to be Ten Pages, but this was reduced due to humanitarian reasons.
Anyway, poor Eugen needs to sell books because he owes me a lot of money, so I urge you to buy it in large numbers, and pretty soon your town will be wiped clear of German speaking people.

The Magnolian Buddha Lord Timbo

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